Welcome back to Roar: The Podcast, Season 4. In this round table podcast, junior Catalina Lopez, junior Joshua Cedro, and junior Mia Rahbar discuss the constant desire for teen romances.

Speakers:

• Juniors Joshua Cedro, Catalina Lopez and Mia Rahbar

For reference:
C – Catalina Lopez
J – Josh Cedro
M – Mia Rahbar

C:  Hi everyone, welcome to The Roar’s podcast of Teen Romance. My name is Catalina Lopez, I’m a junior, and I’m a staff writer for The Roar.

J: My name is Joshua Cedro, I’m also a junior, and I’m also a staff writer for The Roar.

M: Hi, my name is Mia Rabar, I’m a junior at Santa Clara High School, and I’m also a staff writer for The Roar.

So today’s topic is going to be about teen romance, and the reality of everyone wanting to have a constant desire of teen romance, and wanting a relationship, especially in high school, and we’re going to talk about movies, high expectations, dreams, and social media and all that stuff.

C: Yeah, so we all know and love rom-coms, right?

J: Obviously.

C: So, for me personally, I’ve gained a love for rom-coms like “10 Things I Hate About You,” “She’s All That,” 27 Dresses,” “How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days,” but the problem with those is that for me I have super high expectations just because of those movies, like, “Oh my god, he built a car. Oh my god. They need to build a car for me. Oh my god.” He built her a house in “The Notebook,” you know, that doesn’t really help me ‘cause I feel like my expectations just grow higher and higher every single day. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so I feel like that kind of affects it because I know what I want, I know what I’m expecting, but if they don’t reach my standards, then I feel I’m never gonna get into a relationship.

You know what I mean?

J: I get where you’re coming from, obviously. You know, how rom-coms set these expectations where these main characters and the romantic interest, they go above and beyond to try and impress them. It’ll work to a degree, all that depends on the show, but at the end of the day, you have to realize it’s TV, and it’s going to be unrealistic?

Well, in a way, yes, obviously it can happen under the right circumstances, but it’s not to be expected, if that makes sense.

C: Ever heard of “If you wanted to, he would?” Because I believed in that. But then I saw this one post on TikTok, on social media, and this guy was like, I don’t believe in “If you wanted to, he would” because what if he wants to, but he can’t?

I don’t know. What if a guy’s in a relationship and he wants you, so that’s why he can’t. You know what I mean? ‘Cause you have a crush, and you want to know if he likes you. He’s gonna make the effort. He’s gonna put in the effort. He’s gonna do this, text you, this and that. But at this point, I don’t even believe that anymore. I’ve given up on that.

J: That does go into one of the things I really did want to talk about with social media as the way I see it, it sets unrealistic expectations on relationships, especially those couple TikTok accounts, those couple Instagram accounts. They always showcase the good things. They always showcase what they want to show you, which I said, the good things like, oh, buying flowers for like my significant other or like going all out for their birthday and buying them a car. It sets high expectations that you have for a relationship, you know?

These people on social media, they see it, and they’re like, “Oh, wow, that’s so romantic, that’s amazing.” Then leading kind of to the “If they wanted to, they would” when there’s always more to it than social media shows. Naturally, in a relationship, there’ll always be fights, there’ll be disagreements, there’ll be conflicts, but they don’t show that part on social media.

They always show, “Oh, we’re in a great relationship. Everything is a hundred percent fine. You know, there’s no flaws,” when there are going to be flaws. And when that does happen and when there are flaws in relationships, especially in these years as we’re teenagers, it’s gonna lead to a lot of dissatisfaction in a relationship, like, “Oh, how come my relationship isn’t like this? Or how come it’s not as perfect as TV shows and movies and all that?”

So, it leads to dissatisfaction when the reality is, you’re just two kids that are trying your best to love each other and show that you care for each other.

M: I feel like some of the rom-coms that I watch, they kinda show a bad part, like where they’re arguing, or something doesn’t happen, right, and they get mad at each other, like “27 Dresses,” no effort, so…

C: Well, he’s a journalist and then he put her story in his newspaper, and she got mad about it.

M: Without her consent.

C: Yeah.

M: But the editor posted it without his permission because he was like, “I want this—”

C: “It’s not done yet.”

M: —and all that stuff. She got mad and then this whole thing happened and they didn’t talk, she hated him, and all that stuff, but then they get married at the end of the movie. Or… what other movies are there?

C: “She’s All That,” with the bet.

M: And then, “Anyone But You,” the new movie that came out with Sidney Sweeney and Glen Powell.

C: I haven’t watched it yet. What’s it like?

M: They have a little scene where they get mad at each other because he said something to her… In the beginning of the movie, they were like, “Oh my god, this could be something, like, I really like you.” Then he got nervous and told his friend, like, “Oh my god, no. There’s something off about her. I’m definitely not in love.”

Then she overheard, and she was like, “What the heck?” Then she walked out and she was on the phone. She was like, “This guy sucks!” Blah, blah, blah. Then they meet later in the movie and they’re like, “Ugh, I hate you. But it’s our best friend’s wedding, our sister’s wedding. My sister’s wedding, your best friend’s wedding, so we just gotta come together and do all that stuff.” And then they become lovers. Then they get in a fight again. Then they come back together. So I feel like it’s very off and on. They can show the negatives and the positives.

J: Always with those misunderstanding scenes, they’re always like, “Oh, there’s this… Oh, just hear each other out. There’s always more to the story than you think.”

M: Yeah. Like in “27 Dresses,” she didn’t get the whole story. She just saw the newspaper and she was like, “What is this?”

C: The movies typically tend to do that. But what are some of your guys’ experiences with relationships, or what the trend is now is, “talking stages,” which like…

M: I hate that. I hate that.

C: How?

J: I am an active hater of talking stages and situationships. I mean, I get the idea and the point behind it, but just how it is. I’m not a big fan of it.

M: It’s way more complicated than it’s supposed to be. Back then, you’d go on a date, and you’d be like, “Oh my god, I like you. Let’s go on a second one.” But now it’s like, “Let me add you on Snapchat, let me add you on Instagram, let me get your username. We’ll talk there.” Never talk in person.

C: “I’ll ghost you, and then we’re done.”

M: “I’ll find a new girl or a new boy.”

C: I feel like this generation is so messed up. Just ‘cause, I’m going to target the guys. ‘Cause – I’m sorry, Josh. No offense. It’s not you though. It’s not you – but a lot of the guys nowadays, it’s like, “Oh, can I get your snap?” Then they’ll talk, whatever. Oh, and then we’ll just—

M: “Yeah, I’m bored.”

C: —and then they’ll ghost you. Then we’ll move on to the next girl, the next girl, the next girl. Also a bunch of the guys followings on Instagram look like he goes to an all-girls school. It’s like, why are you following 500 girls? Especially if you’re in a relationship, what are you doing, bro? Why are you following all these girls? Why are you following all these swimsuit models? Stop it. What are you doing?

I need someone who’s loyal, who… if they don’t have social media, bonus. I need a… I love a good nerd, tall, good in school, and a lot of them don’t care about school. They don’t care about school. They say they’re religious or not a player, but then they’re the spawn of Satan, you know?

M: They have the proverbs in there.

C: Exactly, like Matthew 2. I’m like, boy, no, no, no, no. Weren’t you just drinking at a party the other day, you know what I mean? And then back then they’d bring flowers to your door, and it was different, you know? It was so more simple. I feel like nowadays it’s just so complicated, and it’s so inconsistent also. It’s just fake also. I want real love. You feel me?

J: I hear that saying go around a lot. I both like and hate the quote at the same time. People who say, “I want real love,” nine out of 10 of them – at least in my experience – don’t have a true definition of love.

There is no true definition of love. Everyone’s definition is different, but they don’t know what true love is. They think of true love as just like everything’s going to be perfect, whereas true love is always going to be the hardest to achieve. True love is for that person that makes all the fights, all the conflicts, all the disagreements worth it in the end. You may be fighting right now, but I’d rather keep you in my life right now than lose you possibly forever. That sort of thing.

M: Other people have their different viewpoints on real love based on movies, books, social media, their parents, their siblings. If a sibling has a relationship, they’re like, “Oh my god, I want that relationship. I want to be treated like that.” Or they ook at someone else and they’re like, “Oh, I don’t want to be treated like that. I want to be treated like this. I want more than this.” So I feel like people’s definition of real love or true love is very different from other people’s.

C: Also, people that don’t want relationships, they find their love in family, which is great.

I find love in family and friends and the environment overall. Some people don’t need a girlfriend or a partner to find love, which is great. I love that. So as of right now, I’m on self-love. I don’t need a man right now. I believe that my time will come when it comes. I believe that whenever God thinks I’m ready, then he’ll send an awesome, amazing man.

Or also – oh my god – the invisible string theory.

J: Oh my god.

C: What do we feel about that?

J: I absolutely love that theory.

C: Lowkey, I love it. I believe I will not give up. I solely believe that it’s true, bro.

M: What if you’re playing a video game, in an online lobby or whatever? Let’s say “Fortnite” or “Roblox,” or something like that, or “Call of Duty” – I don’t know – but your future husband or wife or whatever, they could literally be in your lobby and you wouldn’t know. Like you’re literally playing with your future.

C: Oh my god. I saw this one post where this girl was on the highway and she took a picture of the sunset at a certain time, and then her future husband took the same photo on the same highway at the same time of the same sunset on the same day. I was like. That. Is. Wild.

M: Or they’re in the background of their photo, and they meet later in life.

C: Yes, bro. Or like, “Oh, he used to live in my old house, or something.” I’m like, what? That’s crazy.

J: There’s also those ones where they went to the same school, but they didn’t know each other at the time.

C: Exactly, yeah, yeah. Or you know someone, and then you know them, and they know you, but they weren’t matured yet, and then once they matured and found themselves, then they come together.

J: That is an excellent point, and I want to really emphasize on the maturity.

High school relationships… people, especially our age, are looking for love and relationships when they don’t even know what a relationship is capable of. This is kind of a little bit off of Mia’s point about seeing your siblings and family’s relationship. My brother’s in a relationship, my best friend’s in a relationship. Going off of my brother, he always goes to me and just talks to me about, “You should all get into a relationship when you’re ready because it is difficult,” and I have seen it firsthand from him. I don’t really want to call out a lot, but they do FaceTime a lot.

Just seeing that, I’m like, I don’t know if I could do that. They text a lot, which is going to be a natural relationship, but it’s just… I don’t know if I can do that either, so it definitely comes down to a point of maturity too. A lot of us our age are not mature enough to have those kinds of important conversations that will make or break a relationship, so it just usually just ends in an ending or keeps going but just delays the inevitable. I’ll admit to you, I’m immature. There are definitely a lot of things in my life past “talking stage situations” – we’re able to call them – that have ended kind of not the way I’d like it.

I don’t think I’m mature enough to have that conversation again, or reconnect again. I’m not ready to have that chat yet, you know?

C: Yeah. We may think – we’re adding on to that – we may think we’re mature enough, but then I feel like once the opportunity actually comes to us, we’re like, “Uh, no.” We’re kind of scared ‘cause for either girls and guys, when someone hits us up, we’re like, “Ew,” you know? You may say, “Oh my God, I want a relationship so bad.” But then once some guy hits you up, you’re like, “Uh, nevermind.” Once the opportunity comes up, you – what’s the word for it?

M: Push it away, in a way.

C: Yeah, you push it away.

M: Also, girls are too picky. Boys are too picky. They want something exactly to their mindset.

C: For me, I have a type, right?

J: Everyone has a type.

M: Yeah.

C: Okay. People may not say that, but for me, personality matters more… If I know how you act at school, no thanks. The guys that hit me up I know, they go to the other school, but I just know how they act ’cause I’ve seen them around their friends, or I’ve seen their Instagram posts. I’m like, “You’re not for me. You’re definitely not my type. You’re not for me. It’s not gonna work.” I feel I’m too mature for them, you know? I do good in school. I care about my grades, and they’re posting the most gangster music ever with their pants sagging down, and I’m like “Uh, absolutely not. That’s not gonna work for me, or for my parents, or, yeah, no.”

Okay, so why do high school students or young people want a relationship? I feel they just want it for the enjoyment when in reality, they’re not ready. They just want it for the fun, but for some of us, like for me, I’m dating to marry. I’m not dating to date and then to break up later. I feel that’s just a waste of time. I feel they’re just doing it without even… whether they’re just clueless about it.

J: You want to look for something long term and that’s not something that’s being offered at our age right now. I’ve been living by a saying that “If it’s right for me, it will come to me.”

C: Yeah, I totally agree

M: For me, I’m also dating to marry, but not right now. I’m waiting to marry maybe in the later years of college. Right now, I’m kinda just having fun. I’m looking at other people. Like, oh my god, I want something that they do.

C: Or you live and you learn, too. It’s like, “Oh, don’t do that,” you know?

M: Yeah. That way, you know what’s going on. If you have that experience of dating someone, then you’re like, “Okay, so in the future, I’m not gonna do this. Or I’m gonna look for someone that does this.”

C: Right, yeah.

This concludes our Teen Romance podcast for The Roar. Make sure to follow our Instagram, SCRoar. Go on our website at scroar.net, our YouTube channel, (Schs The Roar).

This is Catalina Lopez signing off.

Josh Cedro.
Mia Rahbar.

Thank you for listening.