“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is the question I knew better when I was a kid than I do now. Back then, I wanted to be a veterinarian until I realized I had to see animals on the brink of death. Now, my list of what I do not want to be when I grow up outnumbers my list of what I could be.
Recently, an older woman who had not seen me since I was a child asked me, “Are you still drawing? You could be an artist when you grow up!” This good-natured comment nearly broke me. While I have always loved art and dance, I never deemed myself good enough to pursue them as a career. From the weighing expectation to figure everything out by the age of 18, I was reminded that I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
Since the beginning of high school, I have held myself to the highest expectations. My main motivation was the feeling of accomplishment for succeeding in what I was told to do. I did not realize, however, that I would reach a point where I had to make my own decisions about my career instead of having instructions to do so.
While my parents have always encouraged me to pursue my passions, the pressure to go to a four-year college and figure everything out during my senior year has become unavoidable. While I was expected to think about my “dream school” since freshman year, the thought only plagued my mind the moment college applications opened.
I realized I had no “dream school.” My friends had already figured out their chosen career path while I knew that despite having an extensive list of academic achievements and extracurricular activities, nothing in school excited me.
Months into my senior year, the deadline for college applications was nearing closer each day. With a busy schedule and little time to think, I applied to a few colleges my parents suggested. While my peers looked for the college with the best program for their major, all I wanted was a school that allowed me to remain undecided without repercussions.
As the college acceptances and waitlists rolled in, I felt less relief and more anxiety as I had more choices to make. While I wanted to go to a prestigious school, committing to a major right away and having little flexibility in changing that major was daunting. As a result, I worried that my efforts in high school could have gotten me farther if I had known what I wanted to study in the first place.
While I have been told regularly that nobody has it all figured out and everything works itself out, I have never felt more confused. I thought I was doing everything right until my indecisiveness consumed my rationality. The pressure to find a career that makes money but also supports my passions has become nearly impossible to navigate.
From setting up a credit card to filing taxes, the shift from adolescent years to adulthood near the end of high school came faster than I ever could have expected. As I move onto the next stage of my life at the University of Arizona, the thought of living in a different state and navigating the world by myself is difficult to process.
Establishing the foundation of my future combined with my day-to-day responsibilities is more than overwhelming. Fortunately, I am reminded by my family and friends that everything will fall into place.