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One reporter navigates between her Mexican heritage and American identity

One reporter shares her journey with her understanding her identity.
One reporter shares her journey with her understanding her identity.
Tyler Kao

Growing up in the United States, I have always felt the pulse of my heritage in everything around me. From the vibrant colors of the papel picado decorating our home during fiestas to the deep, earthy smell of tortillas cooking on the comal, the culture is in my bones.

My grandmother taught me how to make tamales during the holidays, and my mother’s hands are never still – whether she is cooking a pot of mole, or cleaning the house to make it feel like home. Our music, our dance, our way of celebrating life and death, it is all woven together with the memories of those who came before us.

Every year, when we set up the altar for Día de los Muertos, I feel like I am connecting with a past that lives inside me. It is not just a heritage I carry, it is something I breathe, something that shapes every moment and makes me proud of where I come from.

For as long as I can remember, I have been trying to make sense of my identity, not through the lens of expectations, but from a personal, lived experience. I have often found that labels do not capture the complexity of who I am. I have never felt the need to justify my identity to others, but I have always been in a quiet process of understanding myself – what it means to be me, without any preset definitions or categories to follow.

This journey is not about reconciling differences but about embracing the freedom to exist beyond them. My father immigrated to the United States in search of better opportunities when he was 18. My mother, a first-generation Mexican born in San Francisco. They both carried with them a deep sense of Mexican heritage.

Growing up, I was fully aware of my cultural background. At home, I lived and breathed Mexican culture. Our house resonated with the vibrant sounds of mariachi music, the aroma of homemade tamales and the rhythm of Spanish conversations. My parents instilled in me the values of hard work, respect and family unity, emphasizing the importance of our cultural roots.
As soon as I stepped outside, however, I had to adapt to a different set of norms and expectations. This duality was both enriching and challenging, shaping my view of the world and my resilience.

I was born and raised Catholic and grew up attending church every Sunday. We attend the Spanish mass every week with a diverse group of Hispanics that have seen me grow up. I feel close to this particular group of people, as we are all from similar countries and have all had to adapt to American culture.

Despite the companionship, I still feel I stand out from everyone else. Not that it is a bad thing, but people at church and in general are always shocked when they look at me – “You are so tall! I have never seen a Mexican girl so tall!” “Wow! I would have not thought you spoke Spanish!”

Though some might think these are compliments, they often feel backhanded. I have gotten used to this attention, and I know this will continue on for the rest of my life as that is what comes with being a person of color in a white-dominant world.

My experiences, however, have forced me to reflect deeply on what it means to honor my heritage while embracing my individuality. I realized that cultural identity is not a blank sum game. Being American does not make me any less Mexican, and vice versa. Instead, my identity is a mosaic of experiences, values, and influences from both cultures. I have learned to navigate these dual expectations with grace, drawing strength from my heritage while forging my own path.

Being a first-generation college student and Mexican-American has profoundly shaped who I am. While I have faced criticism and challenges, my experiences have strengthened me to embrace my multifaceted identity. I am neither solely American nor Mexican – I am a blend of both, and this fusion is my strength. As I move forward, I am committed to celebrating diversity, advocating for inclusivity and honoring the rich tapestry of my heritage.